It Ends With Us Book Review

Very nice book. Somehow it made you cling to it from the beginning. It's about physical abuse by your spouse. Women should really read this book. Having been in a marriage myself, it reall gives me a perspective over the real situation. A man is obviously more powerful than women. We have voice to loud we can fight them. But they used their power and strength to shut us up. And that is really not fair. If i ever got myself into that kind of situation i would definitely throw him out of the door.

4th Birthday

Tomorrow is your birthday. It is such a big deal because this year is the last year you’ll wake up late with us. You roam around the house free. Aimlessly. Keep calling me mummy mummy mummy till I’m tired of you. These moments won’t repeat again.

Next year you’ll go to school and the bullet train speed will start. Time will pass very quickly. At the end of it mummy and daddy’s already old. And suddenly in one blink of an eye you finished school and ready for adulthood. I could cry just thinking about it.

I wish I appreciate more time with you. Feels like I didn’t take enough photos of you. Didn’t have enough conversation with you. Didn’t teach you enough. Didn’t pay enough attention to you. I am really sorry for everything I’ve done and everything I didn’t do. I am not a perfect mother. I wish i could be better. So much better. You have a lot of potential. I wish i could protect you more. Give you a better life.

I wish you’ll make many friends and be loved by everyone. I wish you to be a fast thinker and great at making conversation. I wish you to be an excellent decision maker cause really that’s the most important thing in life. Making the right choice. I wish you to be happy and get to do what you love in life. Have courage and i will always love you no matter what. Happy birthday baby.

A Court of Thorns and Roses (honest review)

Liked it a lot at first. Though it sounds unreal that someone abducted you for killing his friend and want to have romantic relationship with you. (They’ll explain it later to you)

But the whole realms of faeries and all. That was all created only for the love of two people which is really boring. Cause that means THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU! Only to prove your love is pure something like that.

I prefer the kind of theme like game of thrones or hunger games. Where the world at war or the world is in deep shit holes and suddenly out of nowhere there you are in love with someone. 

Chapter 20 upwards was really boring. It was all fighting and handsome here and there. Also being horny in the prison. Which i think is not necessary at all. 

My goodreads rating from me would be 3 out of 5.

Cousins with History

My cousin came to visit on eid qurban. all this time in my head, ive been thinking only to avoid ourseleves fro them cause i thought they dont chose our sides. cause of the way they monitor my ig seems like watch dogs watching over me to make mistake.

but then, they came and i had nowhere to go. s i just served the some orange juice then i sat down. we talked have a little chit chat. most are about the plan of going to island again. theyre super excited about them. and then last they told me how i shouldnt stop building our house. cos that means we're giving in to them. they support my decision to build a tall wall separating the border.

 conclusion is, all those negative thoughts about them were just assumptions i made. its all created in my head. shared it with hubsy it'd be more negative. so a little lesson for me here. assumptions are dangerous. never create negative assumptions. if you want to assume, only assume positivity.

Wednesday | 7 aug 2019 | 5.50pm

Weather is super cloudy since morning. I didn’t go out at all since tragedy with my neighbour’s family. Hate to see the villagers. Everytime they looked at us, there’s something in their eyes and minor expressions of their face just says it all. So we (me and my husband) just avoid going out at all - around the house i mean.


This morning i ate turmeric fried rice my mother made. I fried one onion and an egg to it. Honestly I can’t remember what Alex ate today. See how disconnected we are? This is the very thought that haunts me right now. What should i do to be more close to him. I feel extremely bad for him. I guess the only way is to just toss the phone aside for a few hours a day and just pay 100% of my attention to him.


I just finished cooking pasta for hubsy. As he said we should have a meal schedule so alex won’t miss his meals anymore. So this is a start. Tomorrow I’d cook something for breakfast cos my mother never cooks breakfast.

No chores. I was thinking to wash clothes. But the thought of going out and hanging them is putting me off. I’ve been thinking of doing it later after writing this. Then I’ll hang them outside in the dark. Where no one could see me. Fuck them


My body is not in a good shape at all. All I’ve know is i weigh around 87-91kg since ramadan.

I just want to write something about everything since last week. So here i am now. Pouring my heart out on this phone.

Not watching any movies or songs or books right now. I tried. But 5 mins into the movie I’d lost interest. Fav song would be heimweh. It’s a treasure i found hidden in the files. What a nice song to listen to.


Relationship with my hubs is okay. With alex is really bad. I got mad at him everyday. Mostly cos he doesn’t understand my order. Or he refused to listen/obey. He’d make mess. Turn over the rubbish in the bin. Yesterday i tore down the scoop he was playing. And he was really heartbroken. He sobbed like crazy showing how important that is to him. How could i?!! I torn it apart right in front of his eyes, right within his grasp! Such a terrible mother I am! When we were in kapas i decided to tell people he’s 3 instead of 4. Cause i have this thought in my head that it’s embarrassing to tell people he’s 4 because his ability is very limited. Just like a 2 1/2 year old kid. I potty trained him two times. And both times he peed in his pants. Just couldn’t do it at all. Didn’t understand the concept and i was just disappointed.

Last night we went to bed early around 11. We went out for dinner outside. We had nan bread. Alex slept all the way there. We put him on the table the we brought him home. He slept until morning. He skipped his dinner.

Highlight of yesterday would be shipping process. How busy we were preparing for the orders. We earned 800 yesterday alone. 🙏

One thing i'm thankful for today, my family. They stood with me through the fights.

I fear the future. Alex school especially. I’m afraid he couldn’t communicate. And what if he create problems at school? I’m afraid this world is too much for him. I’m afraid he can’t fit it. I just want the best for him. Enough if he could be independent. Loved by everyone. Be a bright kid with bright future. Happy of his place. Feeling enough with everything he has. Just happy.

how to reverse kidney disease

Stop animal protein altogether. Including milk &  egg. Plants based are all okay.

Stop potassium/ eat low potassium fruits.

First of all cure your diabetes don’t eat the medicine.

Take supplements izumio & superlutein

business

It’s been one year since i started the business. Roughly my income this year is around 84k. So so proud of myself. Only one year it took to change a person and our whole life as a family. I’ve gained so much confidence. I gave little to no fucks to damn people no more. I’ve NO time to think about others. Life has been busy. Days are filled with activities. It has empowered me soooo much!

Next year i am finally gonna set foot in turkey. I have many more dreams to achieve. 

Along the way in this one year period I’ve realised how things changed. Like i have less time with my baby. We read less books. I spent more time on the phone. I wish i could manage my time better. 

My hope for next year i want to expand my business. More ds. Better tricks and strategies. To teach my baby how to talk. To spend more time with him.