Neighbour

A few days ago, our rented house went blackout. I lived in miserable heat for more than 6 hours. Once my husband came home. He tried to figure out the source of problem. Turned out that we have the current running but both holes (in switch board) has current. Meaning that it messed up, cos according to my husband's explanation, only one hole should have current, not both.

So, we blamed the leakage on the roof. We have terrible leakage in our living room and middle room but never bother to tell the owner of this house cos he is a bad person. He likes to turn things around and get away from troubles. At the end of the day he will try to blame others or US instead of taking the responsibility.

This time, as we're living in the dark, he tried to send us TNB instead of sending an electrician. What i want to talk about is, my neighbour. We live in a semi D house. So this house is attached with another house. I dont really know whats wrong with them. They are very weird and unfriendly. We used to bump into each other a few times. But they turned their heads away and pretending like they dont care.

That night, as my husband walking and inspecting the house from outside, the neighbour talked to him! What a surprise. He told him that the blackout problem came from his house! And he was fixing that problem at that time.

More surprisingly, he speak english to my husband. Its really funny, cos most of the time, those who dont know my husband, they will confidently speak malay, cos they often mistaken him as a pakistani (he doesnt look pakistani at all!!)

But this time, this man speaks english to my husband. Meaning that they secretly listen to our conversation!!! And they do care about us. Isnt that a bad thing? They are stalker arent they?

And one more thing. When he speaks to my husband, i can hear that kind of tone like my husband is not welcomed, dont deserved to be respected kinda tone. I have been thinking lately. What if my husband has blond hair. I think everybody will worship him. He looks white, but the only problem is he is hairy and his hair is black. Pity him.

Its Killing Me

My husband is very flat. No emotions. No excitement. Weird. He's the biggest freak i've ever known.

I am very scared of the idea being trapped and stuck with him forever. Can i handle him forever? Can i endure this feelings until i die?

How my future will be like?

Shoot The Zombirds - Shoot 30 Zombirds in a Row

Alright, this game is extremely addicting. When i first played this i didnt even know how to shoot. I was frustrated and angry. Ready to shout at the developers' faces, 'why did you create such a stupid game??!'

Can you imagine, only 3 arrows? 3 pumpkids! That is just crazy. And when i got the hang of it, i cant stop playing. I stucked at this level where i need to shoot 30 zombirds in a row. Meaning that, no missed/failed shots.

I keep repeating this level hundreds of times. Until finally i found out the TRICK.

You know what? I COUNT my shots loudly. 1 2 3 4 5.... Until i missed shot, i recount again. 1 2 3 4 5 6....

It worked guys!! Please give it a try.

Dilemma

I opened facebook and went to my exbf's profile. How awesome his life looks. He has a nice job and nice wife. He looked like a nice person now. Was it me who made him a bad person? Maybe i spoiled him too much. I was an idiot back then. Whatever happened to me 10 years ago was not his fault. It was my fault. I wasn't as open as i am now.

Conflicts in myself:
1. Spoiling my husband.
2. Financially insufficient - only rm3500 per month. And we need to consider many things just to put dinner on the table. Most of his salary will go to saving which is MY money that we... or HE used up!
3. Regretting this marriage.

Today is my birthday. He didn't even say happy birthday to me. Not even a birthday kiss. Everything turned bitter and sour. He's definitely not the kind of man i want.

We are in the middle of trying to conceive. Like seriously! I know he cant love me the way i want him to. But i will have his baby? I am literally trapped. Should i have his baby? Should i?

Spoiled Husband

In my life i've always known. When i see a spoiled person/kid. I wouldnt blame him/her for being that way. Cos the one that is guilty is the spoiler. When i see this behaviour in my husband, i know enough, it is my fault for giving too much attention to him and spoiling him rotten.

Last night we had a fight. I had chocolate on my mouth and he refused to kiss me because of that. And then i kissed him anyway by force. I had no bad intention. Just to be silly and laugh. Then he ran away to the kitchen. I pulled his underwear and make joke about it. He didnt laugh though i laughed like crazy cos i thought it was funny. He went to bed. He looked depressed. And when i asked a question he'll give a one word answer.

I went to the kitchen to make dinner. At the same time i keep going out to ask him what wrong with you? With an annoyed intonation. He replied with same intonation. I knew its because of the kissing. I asked him if its because of the kissing. He said no. Okay...

And then i go to cook some more. And go out to see him again, raging this time. Almost screaming with question, 'what is wrong with you?'

He never answer.

When its time for dinner. I refused to talk to him. And he started nagging at me and begging for attention. I didnt care! But i couldnt resist myself from having a discussion and i start the conversation.

He became tense right away. Saying he didnt like me disobeying him like that. I kissed him by force and make fun of his underwear. How would i know you dont like it if you never tell me!

This arguments went crazy and both of us wanted to win. Especially him. I told him i dont know. How would i know about something that i DONT knowwww. But he went crazy and say that i dont know how to joke. He said did i make joke like that with my friends. Or was i alone all my life.

When he mentioned about being alone i thought, ok, THIS IS IT. I clean the table, go to the kitchen. I washed the dishes and tears came running down my cheeks. How could he humiliate me like that. So, thats what he thinks of me all this time?

I go out to get some water to drink and clean my face with wet wipes. He added again, 'Is this how you treat your ex-bf?" Like, no wonder you and him didnt last. Maybe he wanted to say that too.

How determined he was to hurt me. He's a man. How can he be so mean like that. It hurts. Even now as i write this i still feel hurt. And i doubt him as a husband. Can i live with this man for the rest of my life?

When i first met him in KL and i spent our first night together. I judged him enough during 20 hours being together. He was smelly. Very hairy and he shaved his body. He likes to tell lies. Good at twisting stories and get you confused. He was not as responsible and brave as he told me. And he was terribly bad at sex. He has every single thing i hate in a man. And i was 98% rejected him.

In the bus, on the way back to my parents house to introduce him to my parents. (i wish i didn't but i had promised him) I felt disgusted and ashamed to be with him.

But as soon as my parents greeted him, i was FLIPPED.

Chef (2014) Review

Just finished watching this movie. I didnt read synopsis or anything. I just dived into it and watch. So i guess i shouldnt leak the info too. But i must recommend people to watch it because its freaking good. You know dont read the summary. Just go and watch. You'll enjoy it better. Trust me.

Entertaining and not boring. Really fun. Especially with all star cast. Sophia Vergara. Scarlett Johansson. Awesome.

IMDB rates it 7.4. I'll give it 8.5

Black Book (Zwartboek) Review

I just finished watching Black Book or Zwartboek in Dutch. I think its in dutch, cos german says schwartz for black. Right?

I usually avoid war movies cos most of the time i dont understand them and i just hate hate hate war. But this time, since its in german, it pulled me to keep watching it cos i always have a thing with german. Hiksssh.. :P So here i will explain things that i understand from this movie ok. Not from the real movie maker perspective. Only from the eyes of humble viewer.

Its about this woman named Ellis. She comes from a rich jewish family. They tried to escape germany by boat to poland. But they were ambushed by german kraut (hitlers army) and everyone died except her cos she jumped into the water.

And then she escaped. Got involved with a few dutch guys. And then a doctor fell in love with her. She was sent into this train to be with Muntze and Muntze kind of fell in love with her. And the dutch guy sent her to Muntze again to seduce him. And finally they both fell in love. I really like her to be with Muntze. And you know what, they really fell in love in this movie. Both of them, in real world! No wonder they looked so perfect together. :)

This movie is a must watch for me. Its a great movie. They know how to twist things around and make you feel cheated in the end. You know, that intelligent kind of movie.

So, the rating of the movie on imdb is 7.8. I'll give it 7.5 out of 10. Because, well what can you expect from a war movie. People die all the time. And sometimes, people who you wish they wont kill also dies. :(

So, 7.5!!

Third World Country Victim

Lately my husband looks sad and unmotivated. Sometimes words like, i miss my country, malaysia is not good for me, just slipped through his tongue. I understand how it feels like to be him. If it was me i will be complaining and feel suicidal. I just cant live like that. I dont know what to do to help him.

He was on his way to immigrate to canada when we first met. But because i have no bachelors degree, i cant come along. So, he ignored that ambition and went straight for marriage. I asked him many times about this decision. And he looked so sure back then. Now, when he tastes the reality, the awareness came into his mind.

I dont even like my own country. There are so many things malaysia should change to provide comfortable living for the citizens. The service in government offices. Facilities. Public transport. The weather is another thing. It limits us from doing many things. We become lazy and stay inside like lizards and frogs. No wonder when chinese and indian first arrived in tanah melayu, they said malays are lazy. Its not their fault. Its the weather!

I feel really bad for my husband. He said he can never mix with his colleagues. Well, they speak to him. But only a few words. Malays will hang out with malays. Chinese will hang out with their own race. And he will sit alone with no gang. Pity him. I wish i can do something to help him. Maybe apply job in another country? I suggested dubai. He used to work in dubai. And he said dubai is worse. The weather is bad. And it will be a strange land for both of us. At least in malaysia, i am a citizen.

I suggest him to go on a holiday. But he's so stingy about his annual leave. The pay each day the company pays him about 1++.  So he doesnt want to let go of his 2++ or 3++ pay for the holiday. I know holiday will make him feel better. Tioman island looks nice. And i think it will be pefect for both of us. Since we've never gone anywhere alone. And its good to conceive there. And when i'm pregnant, it wont be easy for us to move around anymore. And if we have a kid, it will definitely not be good cos the kid dont understand the vacation and cant enjoy it as much as adult. Too much fuss with the carrier and bottles and baby food maybe. I dont know. Just thinking of it makes me cringe cos i've always been a light traveller and it doesnt appeal to me, the idea of carrying your baby around for vacation.

So, i dont know. I should talk to him again. Maybe he doesnt understand about how awesome it is to go to the island and swim with fishes. It will make him fall in love with this country. At least.

His Kiss

 So today i saw this picture of them on their wedding. How sweet isnt it? When i look at them i can feel the happiness. And that sweet kiss Brad gave to Angelina, i can safely say that i also have that kiss now. My husband's kiss is the sweetest kiss in the world.

This morning, near dawn, i was dreaming in my sleep. I was entering this world of ugly men. I dont know how i stumbled upon them. So, this one particular man, he fell in love with me. And suddenly all of these men stripped their clothes. Naked. They said, lets see who has the biggest penis. LOL. And so i was really freaked out. That man, the one who fell in love with me. He approached me with bad intention. And he held me really tight. He was trying to rape me. I was crying for help. But nobody came to help. I had a phone in my hand and i tried to call my husband. He saw that phone and stopped my hand from dialing. I was very desperate. So i grab his crotch and scratch it really deep with my nails.

Suddenly i woke up with a question in my ear, "Honey, are you dreaming?"

I opened my eyes and realized i was in my husband's arms all this time. I gave him a weak nod. I told him about the dream. And he said, "I kissed you when i realized you were dreaming in your sleep. You scratched my back you know."

LOL.

He said he always kiss my lips when he saw me dreaming. And soon after, i'll wake up.

Isn't he the sweetest husband ever?

^__________^

Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy Review

Whether you're pregnant or not, this book will give you a good laugh. Its not a book with full guide about pregnancy. In this book she tells you about her experience of carrying a baby for 9 months. And how someone as hot as her, needs to change from wearing G-string all her life into going for wearing granny panties.

This book is not boring. That i can guarantee you. In fact you'll be reading fast and loyal because you want to find out what happen when she give birth. I did finish this book. And i want others to read this too. Especially women who are pregnant for the first time.

I'll rate this book 8 out of 10.

About Elly Review

Iranian movies are one of the best movies in the world. They dont really go for complicated issues like what hollywood does. They will elaborate one small matter in life. As small as going out with your friends without telling for family about it.

Its really a small matter in life. I did that a lot. And i even know a friend who fly here and there to the end of the world without her parents knowledge. Just because, well, as always. The reason why we dont wanna tell them is because we dont want them to worry. And when they're worried they'll ask question we dont want to hear.

So, this movie is about a group of friends. Three married couples with their kids. And a single couple who are in the process of getting to know each other. They go to the North of Iran for holiday. And they stay in this old house with nice view of ocean just in their front yard.

The single woman, named Elly. She was mysterious from the start. As they try to fix the old house and try to make things fun and enjoyable around the house. Elly was asked to look after one of the kid who's stubbornly playing in the water.

Suddenly things get tense, and the boy was almost drowned in the ocean. But thank god he was saved by his father. But then, Elly was missing. Early conclusion, Elly is drowned in her effort of helping the boy. But then they all have another thought. What if Elly left the boy alone in the ocean and ran away.

Starting from this point, many issues arise. And it makes us wonder about things we do in our life. Simple things like keeping a secret from our parents can be BIG if something unwanted happen.

This is just a great movie. Intelligent. Full of realism. I recommend everyone to watch this. Its 9.5 out of 10.

10 Things I'm Thankful For

I noticed i rant a lot in my life. I have to admit. I am a bitter person. I cant say its because of upbringing. Its in my genes. Yes. Theres nothing i can do about it. I was born with this trait. Which is something that i cant be thankful for. But i will try to sit and think about things that im thankful for. At least, for one minute of my life, i'll be doing it.

1. For being married. This is one of my life goal. And i want to do it before i reach 30. And i did.

2. For i dont need to go to work. I can stay home and do whatever i want. This is the best thing anyone could ever asked for.

3. For my husband. Best gratitude of my life. He's a foreigner. An engineer. Handsome. He cares for me. Soft spoken. Respect me and he never raised voice at me. He is a good man.

5. For my previous pregnancy. So i know that i have the ability to get pregnant.

6. For the miscarriage. I was sad, obviously. But i had the chance to experience it and one day i can share the story with other people. And it makes me understand the feelings of women who have no kids.

7. For the internet. I cant live without it. Though its a limited internet. But its portable. And i have access to the world.

8. For the money i have. I can buy anything i want. ANYTHING i want. Because i never want anything expensive. So i can afford everything that i want.

9. For this rental house. I can think about decorating. Me and husband we have freedom. I can cook and clean for my husband. I am happy with it.

10. For my parents. Because i owed them a lot. I got married with their helps. Everything i have now is because of them.

Infertile?

Finally i know how it feels like to be so desperate to have a baby. We have tried to conceive for two months now. And we've waited patiently for 2 months. We tried hard to conceive. It puzzles me. Why? After so much effort. TMI, i know, but we made love every night during my fertile window. We dont wanna miss the egg. But still we missed it.

After 35 days, precisely 5 weeks since my last period aka 'pregnancy'. I have my period. Thats 7 days late! I have never been that late before. 

Very frustrating. Very!!

This time i will do everything i can to get a baby. People said taking evening primrose oil will help. I will go to pharmacy tonight to get one. And i made my husband take folic acid starting from today. I want to improve his fertility. 

I had my meltdown moment just now after reading all the sad stories about women who have tried for years to conceive. One of them have been waiting for 9 years! I cant imagine waiting that long. I just cant! I've been married for 7 months now. I want a baby sooooo much. It is time for me to get pregnant. I want to give him a child.