My Son's Happiness

- To always have a very happy hari raya. That means, new clothes, new shoes.
-

Nothing in Common

Me and my siblings. We have nothing in common. But i have to live with them. I have to.

Hope

I hope one day I'll get the chance to spread nice dinner on the table with nice sets of dishes. Complete with a nice dessert afterwards. For my family.

Baby's Nine Month Update

-Hair is getting thicker
-Started to climb here and there especially on me when I lay down. Also in the bath tub
-Learned to throw balls. And like to be cheered up (yay!! and clap at his throws)
-He finally knows how to move forward while lying on his belly (belly crawl)

Understands most words but he can't talk yet.
Learned this morning he knows what toys word really means. I never specifically teach him that word. But surprisingly he knows.
Can differentiate Apple and Orange but he hates carrot so usually he ignored carrot though I know he knows carrot.

Being Positive

I am the captain of my ship.
I am the master of my fate.
Get away from people that will tear you down.

APPRECIATION
Letter for yourself. Congratulate yourself for your achievement.
Cos nobody's gonna do that for you.

Pakistani?

The reason is obviously not his looks. It's his character. Even when I chatted with him I felt like I was talking to an Indian.

Unsure of everything (autistic)
-While he's cooking, he'd open every cabinets doors to find a pan. Even though, he must've known that pans are all under the sink. Or, looking everywhere for eggs when he must've known that the eggs are at the middle drawer.

Shaking
-His nerves are really weak. He is constantly shaking. Even when he does simplest job ever like wiping his own hands from sauce.
That is not cool for a man. He looks very weak and stupid. Like a coward or criminal when the police stopped you.

Blanket Project

http://bunnymummy-jacquie.blogspot.my/2014/11/little-sunburst-square-photo-tutorial.html?m=1

Wasting Habit

He never finished food in his plate. Never!
He likes to waste money on expensive food.

Parents (Outside Influence)

Even from the start only I (capital i) know the truth. Only I know what's really going on. I am gifted at reading people so for sure i know better. The reason I married this monster was because i listened to the craps outsiders told me. If I've listened to my gut, none of this would've happened.

This morning my father called and asked to talk to him. I shouldn't have handed the phone over to him. He hated my father. We knew that. And his reaction was zero. He put the phone on the floor and that's it. I lost a big deal to this stupid man. Oh my god, can you believe it? That loser on the internet who fell madly in love with me could treat me this way?? Seriously.

As a woman i have a soft heart. But he is wrong now and he won't accept his fault. I must leave this man. That's the only way to teach him a lesson.

I'm in Silent Treatment. He Shouted and Smashing Things

He treated me so wrong. What he did today:
Shouted at me so many times.

I didn't cook, he smashed things, making loud noise while cooking. Then he shouted at me said i am proud. I fucked his life.

Then when he wanted to wash dishes he smashed something so loud, baby cried at the sound of it.

After taking shower, he smashed something again, so very loud. I couldn't help but gave him a sharp stare. He asked why I didn't clean my hair in the shower. Actually it's not about the hair that he's angry about. It's because I didn't wash his clothes. Lmao.

This is what we called, people changed after getting married. I never cleaned my hair in the shower (i do but maybe after 2 months it gets collected but I eventually cleaned)
It was ok to him before.

Why? Because he still loved me. Still can't say harsh things to me. Now I've got a baby. He thinks I'm useless. I will cling to him forever. Nobody wants me anymore. I can't flirt with anyone anymore. So he's in secure position. Very safe. Well one day I'll prove him that I still got some spice in me. And I will make him feel sorry.

Terrible Situation I'm In

Still remember the notes I made in the hotel 2 ++ years ago? To remind my future self not to marry this asshole?

Well, i ignored it so I fell onto this shitpile. And I'm living this hell life now. We yell at each other every night.

I'm really gonna leave tomorrow. Earliest bus would be at 9 o'clock in the morning. So i should be leaving earlier.

I can't live with this man anymore. He constantly blaming me for everything. Especially when it has something to do with our son. Babies.

I just can't take it anymore. I tried to be positive about our future but I give up. He can't cooperate. He is just weird.

He is just autistic. For real!

This Situation Makes Me Ambitious

At one point i think this is a lesson in life that I won't get if i married a wonderful man.

This man makes me feel very less about myself. He embarrassed me. He bring shame to me. He is nothing to be proud of. Wherever i go his image brings me down. This makes me feel like i should improve myself. I shouldn't depend on him.

His capabilities make me want to achieve more in life. Without him:

1. I'll learn how to drive
2. Earn my own money
3. Live my dream life
4. Drive a nice car
5. Give the best of everything to my son
6. Find a stable boyfriend

This man, he embarrasses me everytime. I don't wanna be seen with him. He has no style. No class. He has no confidence. So many reasons. He is not the right one for me.

I know Iranians. Those that I've seen in my life, they're stylish and confident. The way they look at others, they stand out and shine. But my husband he is not that Iranian. He is the Indian version of Iranian. One day I'll leave him. For sure. Its not like i didn't try to fix him. I tried but he refused to work with me. He never agreed to any of my opinions. He has his own idea about things. And his opinion is very weird and autistic.

Maybe one day I'll find a better husband for myself. Maybe this is a start of something awesome. When he goes to shipping I'll start this new life!