WRITING AGAIN

been thinking sbout this for so long. i loved my life back then when i had a routine of writing. i would write everyday. despite being busy or tired. what i did back then, i must do now. so i would have a peace of mind. right now, i have no one to talk to. everything gets bottled up inside it drives me nut. there are so many things i could talk about. that i could share with myself. i need to do this on a computer cause that would be a proper mood setting for me to start writing. what can i talk about? of course the thing that happened around me, that challenged my mood most, the event that keeps repeating and haunting me in my head, exploration/adventure i did or new knowledge i learn/discover. that would be better and more intelectualistic.

1. what happened?
 - today
- yesterday

2. relationship?
- my husband
- my mother
- my son
- my siblings
- my niece

3. troubles my head?
- a thought that keeps repeating

4. talk of the town right now and my opinion?

5. my discovery/ new knowledge?

7 Jan 2020

Finally a is at school. Its his first week of school.

DIALECT VS OFFICIAL BM

I think its time for me to write something about this. it is so annoying listening to people around me speaking in kl dialect. We are here in kelantan. Why cant you speak kelantanese? I really HATE it when people fake their dialect on social media. Especially around young kids. Like to prove that youve been speaking that way with them since forever. Man, if you wanna be different and special. teach them another language. teaching them to speak in another language doesnt make them any special or intelligent. I grew up speaking kelantanese. At 7 years old, i need to write sentences in proper bm, no problem at all!

Dont really know how to stop people from thinking this way. But i hope one day theyll understand that speaking kl doesnt make you a prodigy. When i went to a's school for registration. I explained to her how a cannot speak bm at all. Didnt mean to brag at all. Then i said, but his grandmother speak kelantanese with him. And her face was like "huh?". But we dont teach kelantanese in this school. We teach them proper bm. So what? I thought in my head. When i went home, i recalled this scene in my head. And i realized how she belittled us for speaking kelantanese in our household. Shit!

City vs Village

Saw people bragging on facebook. How their lives in the city is better than us here. I personally prefer living in the village. Nothing is outdated anymore. You got fast internet, we also got fast internet. I can access any info any second right at the tip of my fingers.Just like you city dwellers. But we inhale fresh air while you inhale smoke. aha


FREEDOM

- How lucky i am to live here, in a place close to nature. Woke up by the sound of birds on the bamboo tree right outside of my windows.
- We spend less money here cause we dont have the culture of strolling around shopping malls. I dont feel jealous at all when poeple take their kids out in shopping carts. Cause i love taking my son out to nature. Or playing in a playground. You gain NOTHING from walking in a shopping malls. It's a system created by greedy people. To encourage you to spend more. And now everyone fell victim to this system. You became a slave to money-spending-culture.
- We have less stress here as it is less demanding. Of course when we live close to each other like this, you'd have a little bit of misunderstanding. But it's nothing compared to travelling a far return trip, everyday to your workplace. Facing the traffic. Spending money on tolls.
- Live high up in the sky (apartments) out of touch from the soil. While here, i get to sniff soil everyday. There's something magical about soil that keep you stay sane.

Will always be that country girl.

Depression Mode

- going out so less often cause we earn less than our spending.

- that means meeting very few people

- stressful living here

- a is starting school but schools nearer are all full

- already paid rm190 for school holiday program.

- now i think that school is rubbish 

- and I’m sending my son to that rubbish place for that rm190

Business is Not Doing Well

That’s the thing about business. Today you’re on top. The next day, you’re nobody. 

I’ve been struggling a lot lately. First, people are stealing my photos. But that’s not what i wanna tak about tonight. I wana talk about something that’ll create beautiful mood. But then again, there are so many things going through my mind right now.

One of them is, potty training my son. It’s difficult!!

A and R

Annoying things about living in this house is the fact that i love R but at the same time sho loves to tease my son. But teasing to much is a trouble and its teribbly annoying. She would always grab toys from A's hands and if it happened once, my son would run after her. But then later it became too much and A would start to treat her bad. And then my mother and R mother would start blaming my son for being rough to her.

Then we would all grab our kids. Bring them into the room and we dont see each other anymore for the whole day. We'd be sour towards each other.