Facts

i thought he'll come here equipped.

1. marry me
2. ready to be idle for a few months
3. live in a rented house for a few months
4. look for job
5. got a new job
6. start a life here

most crucial thing. i thought:

• he had at least 130,000 ringgit with him. my biggest mistake.

never i expected

• we'll live with my parents
• he's not interested to find jobs
• penniless after marrying me
• will leave me for almost half a year. thats a semester in university
• he's not a virgin
• he went to prostitutes

what kind of men go to prostitutes??

i'm a stupid girl for him

my fault for making wrong decision

• i should stay away from him
• he should be ignored

Lonely

since i married him, i was happy. need to admit the positive side it gave me. marriage was amazing.

but living away from ech other. distance. its killing me. it doesnt suit me at all. im not build to be in this kind of relationship. it wont work for me. im an attention machine. i need lots of attention. at least to be together. in front of me. to be touched. to be seen. lots of chance of communication. yes. i need communication. im a communication machine. i can even understand things without the need for it to be spoken.

now we're thousand of miles away. and all i can think about is misery. how sad my life has become. thought marriage will change my fate. to be better. to be happier. but i'll be living in misery. ive made a wrong decision to marry a seaman.

its killing me from inside. not only ive lost myself. lost my identity. i lost my happiness. i live in misery. always wake up to sadness. loneliness. i cried myself to sleep every night. battling with my own feelings. weighing the good and the bad on my hands. judging. criticizing. evaluating. my brain cant stop working.

and i must admit, i can never come out with good. always with the bad. i see the bad in everything. this is very challenging. this it too much for me to handle. others might have the strength to handle it. but i cant. i just CAN'T.

how am i supposed to get out of this. should i start an affair to fill up this empty space in my heart. 

Girls and Apples

“Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...”

- Pete Wentz

Inspiration

Krabi

Krabi is just amazing.

I was literally swimming with fishes.

What an amazing experience.

The only place i ever dreamed of revisiting. :)

I had a secret admirer there.

Can you believe it?

I never believed any guy  would fall for love at first sight for me.

 But someone did! At Krabi. LOL...

I can't help but feeling amazing.

How ugly i was.

Without makeup.Wearing nothing but black shirt and trousers with extremely messy hair.

Fat, bloated face.

Even if he's just a speed boat captain.

  But for an ugly person like me.

That was really cool.

Snorkeling was really fun.

I literally swam with fishes.

We went snorkeling a loooot of times.

Wish i could just stay there and be at the ocean the whole time.

I've always loved fish.

I really do.

I will be going there again.

Absolutely!

Gems of Youtube

Ötzi – the Iceman

 Amazing how they found him in his everyday condition. He opened up a lot of opportunities to us to study. And because of him alone, the archeologists had to REDATE the Copper Age.

Four Wives - One Husband

A new kind of documentary to me. But i fell in love. So refreshing and realistic. Funny too. e v e
Liked it so much!

Pastel, Dreamy Photo - Photoshop Tutorial

 Gonna show you how to get this pastel, wash-of-lights picture like this. I'm not an expert. But i've been looking everywhere but no one really shows how they photoshop their pictures. Though i've seen millions of them posting pictures on Instagram with this kind of style. ):

This is how i always did mine. Easy way.

First, go to this deviantart page, and download the zip file.

Soft pastel actions.

 Extract the zip file. And it should contain these files.

.atn file

 Open your Adobe Photoshop. Now drag the .atn file and drop it anywhere inside your Adobe Photoshop.

Now you have a new action in your action list!

Now open the photo you want to edit.

This is the original photo.

 You just need a one click to achieve this soft look. 

There are three selections for you to choose. Soft and sweet. Marshmallow action and Soft purple tones. 

I chose Marshmallow action. Click the Play Selection button. And you're done!

Just click the Play Selection button and save your stylish photo!