DIALECT VS OFFICIAL BM

I think its time for me to write something about this. it is so annoying listening to people around me speaking in kl dialect. We are here in kelantan. Why cant you speak kelantanese? I really HATE it when people fake their dialect on social media. Especially around young kids. Like to prove that youve been speaking that way with them since forever. Man, if you wanna be different and special. teach them another language. teaching them to speak in another language doesnt make them any special or intelligent. I grew up speaking kelantanese. At 7 years old, i need to write sentences in proper bm, no problem at all!

Dont really know how to stop people from thinking this way. But i hope one day theyll understand that speaking kl doesnt make you a prodigy. When i went to a's school for registration. I explained to her how a cannot speak bm at all. Didnt mean to brag at all. Then i said, but his grandmother speak kelantanese with him. And her face was like "huh?". But we dont teach kelantanese in this school. We teach them proper bm. So what? I thought in my head. When i went home, i recalled this scene in my head. And i realized how she belittled us for speaking kelantanese in our household. Shit!

City vs Village

Saw people bragging on facebook. How their lives in the city is better than us here. I personally prefer living in the village. Nothing is outdated anymore. You got fast internet, we also got fast internet. I can access any info any second right at the tip of my fingers.Just like you city dwellers. But we inhale fresh air while you inhale smoke. aha


FREEDOM

- How lucky i am to live here, in a place close to nature. Woke up by the sound of birds on the bamboo tree right outside of my windows.
- We spend less money here cause we dont have the culture of strolling around shopping malls. I dont feel jealous at all when poeple take their kids out in shopping carts. Cause i love taking my son out to nature. Or playing in a playground. You gain NOTHING from walking in a shopping malls. It's a system created by greedy people. To encourage you to spend more. And now everyone fell victim to this system. You became a slave to money-spending-culture.
- We have less stress here as it is less demanding. Of course when we live close to each other like this, you'd have a little bit of misunderstanding. But it's nothing compared to travelling a far return trip, everyday to your workplace. Facing the traffic. Spending money on tolls.
- Live high up in the sky (apartments) out of touch from the soil. While here, i get to sniff soil everyday. There's something magical about soil that keep you stay sane.

Will always be that country girl.

Depression Mode

- going out so less often cause we earn less than our spending.

- that means meeting very few people

- stressful living here

- a is starting school but schools nearer are all full

- already paid rm190 for school holiday program.

- now i think that school is rubbish 

- and I’m sending my son to that rubbish place for that rm190

Business is Not Doing Well

That’s the thing about business. Today you’re on top. The next day, you’re nobody. 

I’ve been struggling a lot lately. First, people are stealing my photos. But that’s not what i wanna tak about tonight. I wana talk about something that’ll create beautiful mood. But then again, there are so many things going through my mind right now.

One of them is, potty training my son. It’s difficult!!

A and R

Annoying things about living in this house is the fact that i love R but at the same time sho loves to tease my son. But teasing to much is a trouble and its teribbly annoying. She would always grab toys from A's hands and if it happened once, my son would run after her. But then later it became too much and A would start to treat her bad. And then my mother and R mother would start blaming my son for being rough to her.

Then we would all grab our kids. Bring them into the room and we dont see each other anymore for the whole day. We'd be sour towards each other.

Lost

Feeling so lost lately especially when it comes to business. Feeling like my business is falling apart and i dont know how to fix it. Dont know which part should i lift first. I know everything about it. The key on how to raise it up. I knew everything about it. But my spirit is not there. No motivation at all.

Maybe cos i dont have a partner to share my thoughts with. Nobody to bring the business mood in me. My husband is definitely not the right person cause he is in the state of negativity where everything that comes from his mouth are complains and excuses. It's pain to sit and hear words from him.

My sister is too busy with job, travelling and watching koreans. No time for business talk at all. The business room is always a mess. So ugly and feel cluttered. So wrong and uncomfortable. I have no heart at all. Honestly. No motivation.

Me, too busy wasting time. Scrolling through personal social medias. Rarely open my business sites. Then later my reputation went down. People forgets us. No business.

It Ends With Us Book Review

Very nice book. Somehow it made you cling to it from the beginning. It's about physical abuse by your spouse. Women should really read this book. Having been in a marriage myself, it reall gives me a perspective over the real situation. A man is obviously more powerful than women. We have voice to loud we can fight them. But they used their power and strength to shut us up. And that is really not fair. If i ever got myself into that kind of situation i would definitely throw him out of the door.

4th Birthday

Tomorrow is your birthday. It is such a big deal because this year is the last year you’ll wake up late with us. You roam around the house free. Aimlessly. Keep calling me mummy mummy mummy till I’m tired of you. These moments won’t repeat again.

Next year you’ll go to school and the bullet train speed will start. Time will pass very quickly. At the end of it mummy and daddy’s already old. And suddenly in one blink of an eye you finished school and ready for adulthood. I could cry just thinking about it.

I wish I appreciate more time with you. Feels like I didn’t take enough photos of you. Didn’t have enough conversation with you. Didn’t teach you enough. Didn’t pay enough attention to you. I am really sorry for everything I’ve done and everything I didn’t do. I am not a perfect mother. I wish i could be better. So much better. You have a lot of potential. I wish i could protect you more. Give you a better life.

I wish you’ll make many friends and be loved by everyone. I wish you to be a fast thinker and great at making conversation. I wish you to be an excellent decision maker cause really that’s the most important thing in life. Making the right choice. I wish you to be happy and get to do what you love in life. Have courage and i will always love you no matter what. Happy birthday baby.

A Court of Thorns and Roses (honest review)

Liked it a lot at first. Though it sounds unreal that someone abducted you for killing his friend and want to have romantic relationship with you. (They’ll explain it later to you)

But the whole realms of faeries and all. That was all created only for the love of two people which is really boring. Cause that means THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU! Only to prove your love is pure something like that.

I prefer the kind of theme like game of thrones or hunger games. Where the world at war or the world is in deep shit holes and suddenly out of nowhere there you are in love with someone. 

Chapter 20 upwards was really boring. It was all fighting and handsome here and there. Also being horny in the prison. Which i think is not necessary at all. 

My goodreads rating from me would be 3 out of 5.

Cousins with History

My cousin came to visit on eid qurban. all this time in my head, ive been thinking only to avoid ourseleves fro them cause i thought they dont chose our sides. cause of the way they monitor my ig seems like watch dogs watching over me to make mistake.

but then, they came and i had nowhere to go. s i just served the some orange juice then i sat down. we talked have a little chit chat. most are about the plan of going to island again. theyre super excited about them. and then last they told me how i shouldnt stop building our house. cos that means we're giving in to them. they support my decision to build a tall wall separating the border.

 conclusion is, all those negative thoughts about them were just assumptions i made. its all created in my head. shared it with hubsy it'd be more negative. so a little lesson for me here. assumptions are dangerous. never create negative assumptions. if you want to assume, only assume positivity.

Wednesday | 7 aug 2019 | 5.50pm

Weather is super cloudy since morning. I didn’t go out at all since tragedy with my neighbour’s family. Hate to see the villagers. Everytime they looked at us, there’s something in their eyes and minor expressions of their face just says it all. So we (me and my husband) just avoid going out at all - around the house i mean.


This morning i ate turmeric fried rice my mother made. I fried one onion and an egg to it. Honestly I can’t remember what Alex ate today. See how disconnected we are? This is the very thought that haunts me right now. What should i do to be more close to him. I feel extremely bad for him. I guess the only way is to just toss the phone aside for a few hours a day and just pay 100% of my attention to him.


I just finished cooking pasta for hubsy. As he said we should have a meal schedule so alex won’t miss his meals anymore. So this is a start. Tomorrow I’d cook something for breakfast cos my mother never cooks breakfast.

No chores. I was thinking to wash clothes. But the thought of going out and hanging them is putting me off. I’ve been thinking of doing it later after writing this. Then I’ll hang them outside in the dark. Where no one could see me. Fuck them


My body is not in a good shape at all. All I’ve know is i weigh around 87-91kg since ramadan.

I just want to write something about everything since last week. So here i am now. Pouring my heart out on this phone.

Not watching any movies or songs or books right now. I tried. But 5 mins into the movie I’d lost interest. Fav song would be heimweh. It’s a treasure i found hidden in the files. What a nice song to listen to.


Relationship with my hubs is okay. With alex is really bad. I got mad at him everyday. Mostly cos he doesn’t understand my order. Or he refused to listen/obey. He’d make mess. Turn over the rubbish in the bin. Yesterday i tore down the scoop he was playing. And he was really heartbroken. He sobbed like crazy showing how important that is to him. How could i?!! I torn it apart right in front of his eyes, right within his grasp! Such a terrible mother I am! When we were in kapas i decided to tell people he’s 3 instead of 4. Cause i have this thought in my head that it’s embarrassing to tell people he’s 4 because his ability is very limited. Just like a 2 1/2 year old kid. I potty trained him two times. And both times he peed in his pants. Just couldn’t do it at all. Didn’t understand the concept and i was just disappointed.

Last night we went to bed early around 11. We went out for dinner outside. We had nan bread. Alex slept all the way there. We put him on the table the we brought him home. He slept until morning. He skipped his dinner.

Highlight of yesterday would be shipping process. How busy we were preparing for the orders. We earned 800 yesterday alone. 🙏

One thing i'm thankful for today, my family. They stood with me through the fights.

I fear the future. Alex school especially. I’m afraid he couldn’t communicate. And what if he create problems at school? I’m afraid this world is too much for him. I’m afraid he can’t fit it. I just want the best for him. Enough if he could be independent. Loved by everyone. Be a bright kid with bright future. Happy of his place. Feeling enough with everything he has. Just happy.

how to reverse kidney disease

Stop animal protein altogether. Including milk &  egg. Plants based are all okay.

Stop potassium/ eat low potassium fruits.

First of all cure your diabetes don’t eat the medicine.

Take supplements izumio & superlutein