topics that excites me

Mummies

Ancient civilisations 

Genetics

self employed

It’s everyone’s dream to own a business and be their own boss! But when you’re really self employed and online based. You’d become too afraid to leave your job.

Because:

- no one can really take your place

Lazy

Another crazy unfortunate thing that a woman could have is a husband who laid on his back 24 hours a day leaving comments on social medias. Super loud with opinions but actually   zero in person. No job. No ambition. Bringing me down when i shared my dreams with him. Not agreeing with every decisions i make. Fuck you man.

Wean Off

Started out with uncomfortable feeling when he nurse. I felt angry at him for hurting me. But it’s not fair to be angry at him.

So on 18th of march, i rubbed garlic on my boob. It worked. It puzzeled him for a few seconds then he asked for milk.

It took him a looong time to go to sleep. The next day 19th of march during his nap time i did the same with garlic. It convinced him this time that nene is icky. 

He couldn’t sleep. So i took him out and we played. Bring him inside and watch blippi.

Finally at 5 pm i grabbed him into my hug the he looked really sleepy. He cried when turn off blippi on the tv.

But as soon as i put him down on the bed and rubbed his legs. He quickly falls asleep. My poor poor child 😢

At night of 19.3 he stopped asking for nene. It’s incredible. Only two times of garlic!

I love you baby. I’ll always love you. It’s been 2 years 6 months + of breastfeeding and now us the time to stop.

It does make you sad when you think about it. But don’t be because it has to happen. There’s nothing dramatic about it. I love you baby 💋

Bitten by Snake

15.1.2018

Me and alex just finished mandi. It was 3 o’clock. I thought it’s been so long we haven’t played in nature. So i brought him out played outside. Feeding me mulberries. 

I wanted to pick long beans i used a stick to scan the area in front of me for snake. But i was bitten by thousands of fire ants instead.

So we moved to parking lot. I thought throwing stoned would be fun. And he loved it. It was his favourite game in the world.

I picked. He picked. I picked he picked. Then he screamed. Pulling his finger from snake. It was a gentle scream. Almost like a little cute complain for something biting him. I saw the snake! In a split second i pulled his finger out of snake’s mouth. Then i just grabbed him inside. My whole world collapsed. I just screamed and screamed. I felt like this is it. This is the end and there’s no more of him.

I ran inside. Called my parents. I said quick quick quick. I lost my mind. I just screamed like crazy. Alex also screamed and cried. I said I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry baby. Then he also cried sorry, sorry. That was very sad.

I ran outside. Thank god abdullah and eyi just arrived. We quickly get in. Abdullah searched for the snake. In the car alex was falling asleep. I just kept waking him up.

3.40 pm got bitten. Around 4 o’clock we arrived. 4.15 finished treatment. We admitted to ward.

Stayed there for one night. Couldn’t sleep. Too many mosquitoes. Crying babies. Alex couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t sleep. It was tiring.

I wore super ugly clothes to the hospital. Super ugly scarf. No makeup at all. It was sad.

Hospital is really a bad experience. But got bitten by snake is even more.

Daddy Help

29 nov 2017

2 years 2 months old

It’s 12 o’clock. It was cold outside. It’s late for him to mandi. So I forced him to wash his butt and brush his teeth. He was struggling really hard and the more I forced him.

He said daddy help. Very clearly no mumbling. Daddy help. Many times. I felt very guilty.

I’m really sorry baby.

My Parents

They were married on a rainy day. It was so heavy and there was nothing so special about it. I never heard them talking about it. It’s like they wanna hide it or it’s just like a not a grand memory for them. Kinda like embarrassment i think. 

Different than my grandparents wedding. My grandmother always told us about the story of her wedding. How they looked for the fabric for her wedding. And how people carried her on a carriage on the back of a buffalo. I could really imagine how it was like that day. So grand and beautiful on a warm sunny day.

My mother is soft and kind. But full of jealousy. She’s a creative person but she’s very messy. She’s good with geography. She’s very proud of her stpm and she always brought it up. She’s the bread winner of my family. Responsible for everything. From the cents earned to the food on the table, literally. She does everything! She’s super excellent at multitasking. Her organisation skill is really zero. And she’s really bad at interior designing. But she’s very rajin and she can do almost anything, except for driving. Or office job. Yeah.

My father is lazy and he’s really good at nothing. He’s not creative. But more of a perfectionist in his own standard. He’s naive and though he’s hot tempered he’s actually soft and a coward inside. He’s afraid of many things and there’s nothing much he can face in life. Everything brings too much headache to him. It’ll lead him into depression. Well,maybe the only thing he’s good at is talking. But not a skillful or useful kinda talking. Just talk and talk without points and rambling about his opinions . Not an academic level kinda talk, you know.