This feelings

This feelings i feel only I can feel. Only i know and cannot be described. It only comes only when I'm alone. Can't be shared. Can't be expressed. Can't be explained.

Fear
Of leaving home. Me and Alex both felt like we belong to this house. To this family. To this way of life. He grew up here. I'm afraid to make a change for him. What if he doesn't like it? What if he get homesick?
I lost that feeling to have a home for my son. I lost that feeling of wanting to live in a home that runs by me.

Being with you means
I signed up for an uncertainty.
I will constantly live in fear of being left.
To face loneliness.
Life without future.
Unpredictable.

Everything I do, i do it for him. Every decisions I make, i think about him.

Sometimes I'm tired of all this. I wish I could fix everything by sending you away. At least one human is saved. You'll be happy without us. Even through difficulties, we can't entertain you. We're still not enough to make you forget about the pain.