Raising Kids

Got this from here. Its like a list of what i've learned from Dr Leman's book. A very good addition to it.

1. A kid developed 80% of their permanent behaviour by 4.
- teach him the importance of interaction with peer-group, so he'll learn the value of sharing and tolerance. (that this world is not all about him.)

2. Reward and Punishment.
- Reward them by praising. But again, as i learned from Dr Leman's book, you shouldn't praise the kid. But praise the action he did (encouragement).
Example:
PRAISE: "Oh Ethan, you're such a good boy! You got an A in math."
ENCOURAGEMENT: "Oh, Ethan, you got an A in math. I know you've been working hard in that area, and that work really paid off."
- Reward him with a gift.
- Punishment: Naughty corner, naughty chair. Time out. For toddler, no more than 3 minutes. Total ignorance, not even eye contact. Ignorance make him feel unloved.
- Punishment: Take away one of his enjoyment like, "Since you refused to clean up, no legos for 3 days." or "Since you didn't finish your homework, i can't let you out to play with your friends today."

3. Pre-warning.
- "We are going to Tesco, i want to get some veggies. If you saw toys, dont ask me to buy them. If you start asking me to buy them, i will get angry."
- "In the count of three, i want you to clean up your toys. If not, i will seize all of them away. One, two, three..."

4.  Realistic Pre-warning.
- "Clean up or i will call the police." or "Clean up or i will summon Incredible Hulk."
- Your kids will think of it as a joke. No respect. They'll never listen to you.

5. No Abstract, Lengthy Explanation, must be Visually-Explained
- "It's a sin. You shouldnt do it." (what is sin??)
- "You're a child, you should respect your parents." (what is respect??"
- "When you're learning, you need to focus and think." (what is focus?? think??)
- "Dont hit your friend, pity him." (what is pity??)
- Explain,"Dont hit your friend. It'll hurt him and he won't play with you anymore."

6. Kids has no Sense of Time.
- Immediate action. Dont recall things that happened yesterday or last week.

7. Use alarm clock to follow schedule.

8. Ground Rules.
- Every house should have basic rules like, what is allowed and not allowed.
- No cursing in this house.
- Everybody must love each other in this house.
- Everything should be shared in this house.
- Keep the house tidy.

9. Consistency.

10. Do not deny their natural feelings.
- Its okay to cry. But dont over do it.
- Its okay to get mad. But you need to handle it. (from dr leman's book: teach your child how to handle anger by talking about what bothers them. it's like releasing the air out of the balloon.)

11. Mother is the role model for the daughter. Father is the role model for the son.
- So they wont be homosexual??
- I object this kind of opinion. I think everybody should know that MOST homosexuals developed in the womb.

12. Your child is not your bestfriend.