Today we went to Thailand with my sisters. Was super gassy in the car. Went to pasar malam and didnt buy much. But ended up buying kerabu sotong and a few boneless ayam goreng. Alex ended up eating only grapes for dinner.
I did not cook anymore when i'm home. I didnt do any chores anymore apart from cleaning up my room. I have no dream of creating anything. My life is super not productive at home. Only great at gaining weight. I lost the track of time. And my life is a messy blob.
Current entertainment for me would be the movies on fmovies.se. So far i've watched Passenger, Moana, Sold and Lion. They're all nice movies. I dont have any favourite song at the moment. I am not actively reading anything now. But i always have a dream to finish reading Pride and Prejudice. Just found out that it's not that complicated to understand.
Relationship with people around me are not good. Not good at all especially with my parents. I am a very useless person. My mood is very bad after i failed the test with jpj. I am constantly angry, feeling stupid, awkward, shameful and ugly. All i could think about is just having another life. A life where i could be myself. Free and independent like how i've always been.
Last night was spent watching Lion. Had trouble to fall asleep just like tonight.
Highlight of yesterday would be visiting Pattani.
One thing i'm thankful for is definitely my son. He is everything.
My fear would be my own character. This evening i asked for direction from a woman on the roadside. I was the one asking but she looked away from me, refused to make eye contact and just keep talking to my sisters at the driver seat and the one at the back. I'm sure the problem is not with her but with myself. Why she didn't like to make eye contact with me? I felt very useless and unattractive. I know i must do something to fix this but i just dont know how.
